I have been thinking a lot about priorities lately. Just jumbling in my mind how God, Family, Work, Church, etc. all compete for our time and energy. As I have struggled with my faith over the last few months, I have also frequently contemplated the story of Abraham and Isaac. In case you need a refresher:"Abraham was 100 years old when he and his wife Sarah were blessed with a son, Isaac. The Lord one day told Abraham to take Isaac to a mountain and offer him as a sacrifice. Although this was a difficult commandment, Abraham trusted the Lord and obediently took Isaac to the mountain. As Abraham took the knife to slay his son, he was stopped by an angel of the Lord. Abraham did not have to kill Isaac after all."
I've had my parents and others compare this story to being gay. I have also been told that perhaps the Lord is just asking for my celibacy as part of my covenant to be willing to sacrifice all that I have for the church.
I will come right out and say that if I was Abraham, there is no way I would have ever even considered sacrificing Isaac. Not even for a split second. We are talking about a very righteous son here. Simply put, I have trouble taking an action that I believe to be morally reprehensible, regardless of who is commanding it. So even if God is asking me to be celibate for the rest of my life (I don't believe he is) that is a request that I will refuse without a doubt. My future husband is more important than that. My eternal growth is more important than a temporary commandment which will only impede it.
This line of thinking lead me to the inevitable church lesson on our priorities in life. I have had countless church lessons on who our #1 priority should be. Sometimes they say God should be #1, sometimes it should be yourself, sometimes it should be your spouse. After much deliberation, here is where my priorities fall:
1. Spouse/Eternal Companion/Mr. Perfect
2. Me: I need to keep myself in good condition so that I can be there to support the aforementioned person. Obviously the interplay between two individuals in a marriage is something complicated (which I have no experience with). I admit that there are certain situations where I might have to place my needs first, especially if the relationship is not a healthy one. That said, in an ideal relationship where both partners are placing the needs of each other above their own, I think things should work out. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic though.
3. Children
4. Family: I'm using this term rather loosely. Being physically related to me does not give you the right to abuse or otherwise mistreat me. Push the line far enough and I won't feel obligated to support you. Lest I sound like a total jerk, I should point out that it really does take a lot to cross that line.
5. God: Yup, last place in the list. Sorry, but that's how I roll. I do not believe in a God that would ask me to give up any of the previous 4 items for him.
I was trying to source a few quotes on this, but the only recent one I found was by Elder L. Tom Perry, and he listed the priorities as follows:
1. Eternal Companion (exact words too, yay for gender neutrality)
2. Your Children
3. Your Family
4. The Church
So according to that list, I'm more than justified in putting the needs of the future Mr. Perfect ahead of the church.
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6 comments:
I feel the same way on most of this, the exception probably being "Mr. Perfect" as you might have guessed. :) I do hope you find him though, because I know he will be one lucky guy to have you.
Don't worry about being a hopeless romantic. Sometimes it does work out in that kind of old-fashioned romantic way. If you find someone you really connect with and care about, and they feel the same, then your relationship just has an effortless feel to it. It's an amazing thing. It's not as much work when you can fall in love like that.
Thanks for posting this. I really really like it!
perhaps the Lord is just asking for my celibacy as part of my covenant to be willing to sacrifice all that I have for the church.
My personal opinion is that if the Lord was truly asking for celibacy in some of his sons and daughters then there would be some provision for it in the plan of salvation which, as taught by the LDS church, is not addressed even remotely. In fact, quite the opposite - if you are an unmarried son of adam then there is something seriously wrong with you.
It just seems mighty convenient for heterosexual members to toss that out and then do absolutely nothing to help gay brothers and sisters achieve it. It's like telling someone that god wants them to move a mountain - and then accusing them of following the devil when they fail.
Just my $0.02
I've been thinking a lot about this, actually. I feel like I have been a little selfish lately, but I'm supposed to. I can't get too attached to someone before I'm in a career. At least that's what I tell myself.
That doesn't bode well for relationships or family when I have a decision like graduate school ahead of me. Any good English Lit PhD programs over there? Haha.
Sounds like a good list to me. Of course, my list probably only has 4 items on it at this point.
P.S. When are we going to hang out again?
Drakames & Abelard: Thanks for your comments!
GMB: I think about career/partner dichotomies all the time.
Part of me is always trying to get more people to come down here, but then the ethical side of my brain reminds me of all the negatives (traffic, pollution, and cost of living).
D-Train: Seriously, it has been too long.
This made me wonder about my own priorities. I've been re-evaluating them in light of my current "pause" in my career, while I wait out my current assignment and seek my next big project at work. I may have to go write a post...
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