I intend to post something extremely similar to the letter below on my facebook account. I have one sister who I would like to tell before this posts, but I think it will be easier for everyone else to read, or not read it there. As always, comments/criticism are welcome, but not required.
Dear Family & Friends,
Several weeks ago I sent some of the information below to Mom & Dad, and we have since talked about it in greater detail. Since I'm trying to be more open & honest with my life, I have decided to fill you in on some of the details.
During the last 6 months I have spent lots of time prayerfully considering my future. I believe that it is now time for me to be a little more honest with you and the rest of the family. I am gay. There, I said it, now please allow me to explain what this means, as there are so many misconceptions about this term (especially within the church). For starters; I am not, have never been, and will never be attracted to women. This is not a sudden change or something I have just realized, but rather, this is me being open and honest about a part of me that I have had to hide for far too long. Please realize that I am the same person that you have always known. I'm still reliant on my laptop & iPhone and I still can't resist a good meal at Wendy's. Being gay does not mean that I live or support the "gay lifestyle". That is to say that I am still the same clean, honest, and good person that you have known and been proud of for all these years.
One of the biggest questions racing through your minds right now is probably what this means for me and my relationship with the church. I love the church. It has given me so many experiences, friends, & treasures which I will never be able to replace. At the same time, the experiences of the last year have shown me that there is no place for people like me in the church. Again, let me assure you that I am not making these decisions or statements lightly. As I have pondered and prayed about where to take my life, I have been impressed that God loves me just the way I am. He created me in His image, and wants me to live a life of happiness & love - not a life of despair, self-hatred, and loneliness.
Why am I really bothering to tell you all this information? For two reasons. The first reason is somewhat selfish. I just want to avoid the uncomfortable pressure that is so common for someone at my age who happens to be single. The second reason is that I hope this information will change your perspective and view of gay people and the difficult issues they often face. For far too long we have treated them and their families in ways that are completely unacceptable.
I don't want to get too verbose in this note (it might already be too late for that) but I do want to let you know that I am open and willing to discuss any questions you might have. I also realize that most of you probably don't have any experience in this area. The best thing I can recommend is to get a copy of No More Goodbyes by Sister Carol Lynn Pearson. Sister Pearson is a faithful member of the church who also wrote the words to the primary song, "I'll Walk With You."
So now you know. I hope I can continue to count on your unconditional support & friendship in the future.
El Genio
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12 comments:
Short, honest, direct, respectful. Well done, and good luck.
Good work, I like that it is very honest and direct like Alan said.
I think it's a little short, but clever in a way - those who want to know more will make the effort to talk to you and ask questions. Whereas if you fleshed it out a bit more, less people would probably feel the need to talk to you about it. It all depends on what you want after-the-fact... Does that makes sense?
Thanks for the feedback guys. Makes perfect sense. Of course, I'm still not really sure I want to go through with this, but I don't really like the alternative of feeling like I have to hide either.
Good luck Genio. While you may feel there is no place in the Church for you, there is certainly place in your heart for the gospel. You are absolutely right that Father loves you.
I hope your family will reflect His love to you.
It's a solid letter, and (of course) I wish you luck … but I can't get past "there is no place for people like me in the church".
I've found a place in the Church. Out and active … sure, my experience isn't common, but I can't imagine that it'll prove singular.
Of course there's a place for "people like [you]" — if you're willing to make one. You're a free agent, you act for yourself. Own-up to whatever it is that keeps you from sticking with it. Please don't paint so broadly. It's comments like these which continue to propagate the false notion that it's not possible — which, in turn, feeds the despair so many young, gay Mormons feel.
Sorry, but you've put it out here for comment, and I can't let it pass without that observation. Of course I wish you luck, of course I hope your family reacts well … but I'm guessing you're the only gay Mormon many of these folks know. And as a fellow gay Mormon, I want to be represented better to your family and friends.
Silus,
Thanks for your comments. I appreciate your point of view and advice a lot. Your experience certainly is unique, and one that would be difficult to duplicate, at least in my current stake.
* hugs *
Well said. You have guts- guts I don't have. Congrats!
Just came across your blog after you left a comment on mine. Would love to chat with you one day.
Mike
I really commend you on being able to face whatever fears you have and for letting the world know who you are. I have been reading you blog and am amazed at your journey.
We share somewhat similar paths in that we have had to examine our place in the church (although mine is not the Mormon church). God and I have had many, many talks about being gay and where I fit in my church family.
You seem to have a good heart and an awesome sense of who you are becoming. I look forward to reading more about your story.
Congrats on making this important decision. The change that comes from coming out can be both exhilarating and terrifying. If you need someone to chat to who has been there before, just let me know.
Rusty
Simply beautiful, and beautifully simple. May you be able to get through to your family and friends in ways I haven't.
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