Into the West

As quoted from The Advocate:

You’d think it would be kinda rad to live in Greenland where it’s nice and cold all the time and there’s lots of open space to do doughnuts on the ice in a car you borrowed from a stranger and that you’re operating while somewhat intoxicated. But no, apparently the wide-open spaces feel isolating, and now that everyone has a TV satellite dish and the Internet and they get to watch bullshit shows like American Idol, they’re all unhappy that they can’t “go to Hollywood” and be famous. So if any of you Greenland kids are reading this, just please knock off the dying. Eventually you’ll get older and you can leave your boring village and go do something awesome with your life. And if you do wind up coming to Hollywood, please understand that being famous is ridiculous and that the real reason to come here, the true appeal of this city, is the over 4,000 taco trucks that constantly drive around feeding people delicious foods. I’ve lived here for 10 years. You can trust these facts.

My own personal modification to the quote: And if you wind up coming to Hollywood, please understand that being famous is ridiculous, and that the real reason to come here is.... well... ok, so it turns out that there is no real reason to come here. The traffic is horrible, even nightmarish. Housing is so expensive, that you won't be able to afford to live anywhere near where you actually work, which will only compound your traffic nightmares. That sunny beach that everyone is always drooling over? It's going to take at least an hour of traffic to get there, and then it will be full of garbage, cigarette butts, and 500 other people that you never even wanted to spend 5 minutes with, let alone an entire afternoon. If this hasn't depressed you, just wait, there's more. California has the largest GDP of all but the world's top 8 countries. Of course, you will never notice this because the government of California is literally falling apart. The state has taxed its citizens and business so much that there is now an incredible exodus from the sunshine state. This leaves other residents trapped here with a crippled state government, dwindling benefits, and program cuts (state tax refunds this year come in the form of an IOU and the funding for unemployment benefits is projected to run out within the next month.) And if all of this stress is starting to affect your heart beat, stop right there! Over the last 10 years California has lost over 85 emergency rooms, which means the heart attack that you're about to have will prove fatal unless you can wait for treatment for the next 8 hours or so. If you want my advice, stay in Greenland!!!